It's a complicated love
by SakuraTwilight1
Summary: Ok so this is my version of what goes on between Lucy and Loke in their complicated relationship. I do not own characters.
1. Chapter 1

_Dear Diary, You are not gonna believe what happened today. I still am having trouble believing it, but I still got the marks to prove it. I don't even know where to start. Okay I guess I should start from the beginning. So this morning I go to the guild to see what job we were taking, but when I got there Mira told me Natsu, Grey, and Ezra all took their own jobs and would be gone for about a week. I was so mad, it seems like anymore they are always leaving me behind. But as they say things happen for a reason. So feeling sorry for myself I asked Mira for a strong drink, well she gave me one cause my head is still pounding from it. Anyways after a few of these strong drinks I decided to walk home. I was actually surprised I could still walk. Once I got to the bridge I started feeling funny, like really happy and I looked over the bridge and fell in. I didn't feel any pain when I hit the water though, but I didn't have the sense to try and swim either. It was almost like I didn't care that I was about to die. I wasn't sure if anyone seen me fall in either, but someone did and before I knew it I was outta the water and someone was yelling at me. Guess who it was? Okay I'll tell you, it was Loke! He had seen me fall in and when I didn't come up he jumped in to save me. I didn't know the player had it in him. He was angry for sure but I kinda thought it was funny, so I started laughing at him..._

_**Loke started to run when he seen Lucy fall from the bridge, he stood there for a minute waiting for her to emerge, but she didn't. Loke hated the water and he didn't like being so close to Lucy but he couldn't let her drown. Once he pulled her on shore and seen her breathing he started yelling. " Damn Lucy, do you want to die?" Lucy looked at him threw glassy eyes and started laughing. " Are you drunk?" Again she was laughing. Loke shook his head and stood up. " Come on Lucy let me take you home" and he put his hand out. She took his hand and let him pull her to her feet. Lucy started to walk but fell into Loke instead. " Loke, will you please carry me?" she begged. Loke rolled his eyes and picked her up bridal style. He didn't like this, but he wasn't gonna leave her in this state. Lucy put her arms around his neck and her head fell on his shoulder. " You smell really good" and she started to nuzzle his neck. Loke stopped and looked at her. " Lucy, you might wanna stop that". She smiled " Why, is it bothering you?" Of course it was bothering him, but he couldn't tell her the real reason, so he turned his inner player on. " You shouldn't start things you won't finish" he told her in a sultry voice. " Who said I wouldn't finish?" and she started kissing his neck. Loke didn't know how to respond to her, so he kept walking the sooner he got her home the better. It wasn't an easy task, and before long Loke was having trouble walking. **  
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_**Finally they made it to her apartment, and Loke was trying to decide which girl he would call once he got Lucy settled. Lucy dug her key out and handed to Loke. He opened the door and put her on the couch. He noticed her shivering, " We need to get you outta these wet clothes". So Lucy lifted her arms to let him take her shirt off. Loke hesitated a moment before he reached for the bottom of her shirt and pulled it over her head. He couldn't help but stare at her, he was a man after all. Lucy laid back on the couch and unbuttoned her jeans. " Will you help me?" she asked innocently. Loke tried hard to keep himself in check. Of all the girls in the world Lucy was not someone he could be with. Even though he knew that he couldn't help wanting her. He bent down and grabbed the waist of her jeans and pulled them off. Then Lucy stood up and pulled his shirt outta his jeans." We should get you outta yours too" and she pulled it over his head. She started to unbuckle his belt when he stopped her. " Lucy.." but she cut him off. "Shh, I don't want you to catch a cold". Loke couldn't take it anymore, he put his hands on her cheeks and moved closer to her. He looked in her eyes and he could see the want in them. He put his lips on hers, he moved his hands down her neck to her shoulders and down her arms. For Lucy his light touches on her arms felt like little shocks of electricity. Loke's tongue slid across her bottom lip making her open her mouth to allow entrance. **_

_**After a few minutes they broke the kiss gasping for breath. "I should leave" Loke said grabbing his shirt. When he turned back around Lucy ran at him and brought his lips to hers. When they broke away from each other, Lucy was trying to find her voice. The affects of her drinking binge starting to wear off. She didn't know why but she didn't want him to leave. " What would you say if I asked you to stay?" Loke stood there looking at the girl he has been avoiding since she entered the guild, and he had to admit he wanted to stay. " Lucy your drunk and I don't want you to regret it tomorrow".Lucy shook her head " I'm not drunk, well I'm sober enough to know what I'm doing". Lucy was embarrassed she knew he was a player and she knew he avoided her, so she figured she wasn't the type of girl he wanted. So why was she throwing herself at him." It's ok if you don't want to stay Loke. I understand" and with that she walked to her bedroom to put clothes on. She could feel the tears coming and she didn't want him to see. She also didn't want to watch him leave. She found her favorite pair of jogging pants and put them on, she was looking for a shirt when she heard a knock on her bedroom door. She looked up to see Loke standing in the doorway. She noticed he still had his shirt off, and he looked confused.**_

_**Loke didn't know why he didn't leave when she told him it was okay and walked into the other room, but now he was standing in the doorway of her bedroom watching her search for a shirt. She looked so sexy in her jogging pants and bra. He knocked to let her know he was there. She looked surprised to see him still there. " Lucy" and moved closer to her. Lucy heart started beating faster and faster with every step he took. When he finally stopped he grabbed her and pulled her to him." If we finish this there's no going back. Are you sure you really want this?" Lucy could see concern in his eyes. She shook her head " I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't sure Loke". " Good" and he grabbed her waist and pulled her to him. She could feel the bulge in his pants and got alittle nervous. Loke started kissing and biting her neck, eventually leaving a mark. He picked her up and she put her legs around his waist, making it to the bed he laid her down. " Loke, I've never done this before" she whispered. He was taken back by her confession. " Then are you sure you want me to be your first?" Lucy thought for a moment " Yes,I'm sure". " I will be as gentle as I can then".**_

_**After they were finished Loke laid there rubbing his hand threw Lucy's hair as she laid her head on his chest. " Are you okay Lucy?" Lucy propped herself up on his chest, so she could look at him. " Yea, Loke was I okay?" she asked embarrassed. She knew she wasn't his first and she couldn't help being self-conscious. " You were great" he smiled. " Are you lying?" she looked down, but he pushed her chin up so he could look into her eyes. "I wouldn't lie about that Lucy" and he kissed her to prove her point. Loke still couldn't figure out why she wanted him to be her first since he had the reputation as a player but he was honored all the same. Lucy sat up and was trying to figure out how to get outta bed. "Are you hungry Loke?" he shook his head " I am starving" and he stood up. Lucy watched as the blanket that was covering him fell in slow motion exposing every inch of him. She could feel him watching her stare at him." Hey! My eyes are up here" and he laughed. Lucy blushed. She pulled her sheet around her and got up. "Okay what do you want to eat?" she asked walking to the kitchen. "What ever you want is fine". Lucy started cooking but was distracted when she felt Loke's are wrap around her waist. She felt his hot breath on her neck as he leaned down to kiss her, she was finding it very hard to concentrate.**_

_So after we finished dinner it was time for him to go. I walked him to the door and he leaned down and kissed me. I think that was the best of the kisses he gave me, it was almost like it was full of hope. I don't know why I allowed this to happen, but I don't regret it. I don't know or understand my feelings for Loke, but I know somethings there. I just don't want to act on it. I don't know diary, my relationship with Loke before was weird but I think it's about to get complicated, Love Lucy_


	2. Chapter 2

_Dear Diary, I went to the guild today to try and find an easy job to do, and Loke was there. I tried to pretend he wasn't there, and I failed. While sitting at the bar waiting for Mira to take my order the images from last night kept entering my my mind. When Mira came over to ask me what I wanted I was totally not listening, so it took a few times for her to get my attention. When I finally came out of my daze Loke was in the seat next to me laughing. _

_**" Lucy, hello!" Mira snapped her fingers in front of Lucy's face. "Oh sorry Mira, I got alot on my mind". Loke laughed. Lucy looked over and noticed Loke sitting next to her. She could feel the blush creep up. " So what can I get for you Lucy?" Mira asked. " Um coffee is fine". Lucy could feel Loke's eyes on her, but she didn't know what to say. " Did you sleep well Lucy?" he asked with a smirk on his face. " Yes, I did. How about you?" Just then they heard a gasp and Looked up to see Mira pointing at Lucy." What is that on your neck Lucy?" she said not so quietly. Lucy's hand jumped up to her neck to cover the mark Loke gave her. " I have no idea what your talking about". " Let me see what Mira's talking about" Loke said while pulling her hand from her neck. Now Lucy was really blushing. " Yep, it looks like a hickey to me" he bragged. Lucy rolled her eyes and covered her neck again. " Who gave you a hickey Lucy?" Mira asked. Lucy didn't want to talk about this, she didn't know what to say. " Cat got your tongue Luce" Loke asked. " I don't know what either of you are talking about" and she got up to leave. " I want details Luce" Mira whined. "Sorry Mira, I don't kiss and tell" she said walking out the door. Loke watched her go with a smile on his face.**  
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_**Lucy walked to her favorite spot under the bridge that she fell off yesterday. She went here when she wanted to be alone and think. She had no clue what to do about Loke. She wanted him, but she knew that he wasn't one to settle day with one person. She didn't want to be hurt and she couldn't understand what had come over her. Before she didn't give Loke the time of day and the same went for him. At first she was kind of hurt over his avoidance, but after seeing him flirt with every girl he seen she got over it. He was just a player, so why was yesterday so different. She sat there thinking until it was almost dark. She stood up and started walking up the hill when she notice Loke standing on the bridge. He didn't notice her at first. Lost in his own thoughts about the day before. Lucy wanted to say something but didn't know what. Finally she decided to just ignore him and hurry home before he seen her. Loke looked up just in time to see her turn the corner. That's when he decided that they needed to talk, so he started to her place. Once he got there he knocked on the door. When she opened the door she was in a towel, getting ready to jump in the shower. " Loke, what are you doing here?" Loke stood there staring at her " You look good in a towel". Lucy blushed " Do you want to come in?" He shook his head and entered. " Um, can I get you something to drink?" she asked. " Why are you in a towel?" he asked ignoring her question. " I was about to get in the shower". Loke couldn't help himself he started walking towards her and she started backing up. Once she hit the wall Loke put his hands up against the wall blocking her in. Lucy could see the lust in his eyes and it made her hot.**_

_**Loke pushed his body against hers, pinning her to the wall. He took one hand and pulled on her towel and it dropped to the floor. He moved his hand to her cheek and moved in to capture her lips. He lifted her up and carried her to the shower. He pulled his shirt over his head and threw it to the floor. Lucy started the water while watching him take his pants and boxers off. Once the water was to her liking and Loke was completely naked he pushed her in the shower. Lucy wrapped her legs around Loke's waist as he positioned himself at her entrance. Lucy moaned loudly as he slid his member in her. " Ohhh, Loke". He started out slow but then he picked up speed making Lucy moan louder. They were breathing harder with every thrust. As the water rained down on them they reached their climax together, screaming each other's name. Catching his breath Loke put Lucy down and kissed her lips. He put his forehead to hers." What are we doing Lucy?" " I don't know". After they washed off they got out of the shower not saying a word they dried off and got dressed. Once in the living room Loke turned to Lucy only to see her drying her eyes. " Lucy" he whispered. Lucy took a deep breath before speaking." Loke this is my fault, I shouldn't have begged you to stay yesterday, but I couldn't help it". " Lucy it's not all your fault because I wanted you too". " I don't expect nothing from you Loke, I like being with you, but I'm not holding you to anything". " I like being with you Luce, but I'm not meant for a relationship". Lucy smiled tears in her eyes " I know".**_

_Oh diary what do I do? Do I pretend he's not there when I'm around him? I feel good when he looks at me and I see the want in his eyes. No one has ever looked at me like he does, and no one has ever made me feel like he does. I think I just complicated things more. Love Lucy_

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_Okay so this is my first attempt at a lemon and I know it's kinda short but not yet comfortable writing those. Give it time and I hope to get better_


	3. Chapter 3

_Dear Diary, I know it's been awhile but so much has happened. My father sent some people after me to bring me home, and my friends at Fairy Tail wouldn't give me up without a fight. It made me feel good to know I had people who cared for me that much. We won the fight, but there was some injuries. Loke was injured trying to save me. When Natsu told me that I was surprised because Loke had been avoiding me since the shower sex. It hurt when the next time he completely ignored me but I knew that was bound to happen. After that he was gone most of the time, so I didn't see him much. After we rebuilt the guild I decided I needed to put my father in his place, so I left a note for my friends while they were out on jobs, and went back home. Of course father wanted me to stay but I stood my ground and left with my head held high. On my way home though I got into some trouble._

_**Lucy stood there facing two ugly old men. She knew what they wanted but she damn sure wasn't gonna give it to them. They were closing in on her and she was trying to figure a way out. She thought about her keys, but the are about ten feet away. She grabbed her whip from her hip. " Now that's what we're talking about" the shorter of the two said. "Gross" Lucy said with disgust. "Don't worry girlie, we'll make you feel real good" the uglier one said. " The only thing that's gonna make me feel good is knocking the rest of your teeth down your throat" Lucy retorted. " And how you gonna do that there is two of us and your all alone" the short one said. " Who said she was alone?" Lucy knew that voice, she turned around to see Loke jumping down from a tree branch. "Loke" Lucy could see he was angry. The two men started backing away." Look, we don't want no trouble" the uglier one said. " Then I suggest you leave, and if you ever see her again walk the opposite way". They bowed and left. "Are you okay?" Loke asked watching the men retreat. " Uh, yea what are you doing here?" Loke turned to face her he noticed she had bags under her eyes. " I was on a job and I heard your voice". Lucy wanted to run to him, but she stood still. " Are you on your way back to the guild?" he asked. Lucy shook her head yes, she was afraid to speak. Loke could tell she was about to break, whether it was from what happened between them or the men harassing her he didn't know. Against his better judgement he walked over and put his arms around her and she broke.**_

_**She cried for what could have just happened to her if Loke hadn't come, for her father not loving her, for the torture she felt watching her friends fall because of her, and for the complicated mess she was in with Loke. Finally giving in to the black hole that had been circling around for weeks now. Loke knew how she was feeling he knew she just left her father's estate turning her back on the life she had there. He knew she felt guilt for what happened when the guild was attacked, and he knew he was hurting her by ignoring her. Loke was angry with her for being her and making him feel things he knew he shouldn't feel, but most of all he was angry with himself for allowing it to get this far. After a while Lucy calmed down, and she pulled away from Loke." I'm sorry to bother you, and thank you for saving me" and she stood up. She was dizzy, so she swayed a bit. Loke grabbed her shoulders to try and steady her. Lucy wanted so bad to lean into him, but again she stopped herself. " Can you stand on your own?" Loke asked "Yea, I think I'm okay now" and she started picking her things up. Neither of them knew what to say so they just walked to the train station in silence. Once settled on the train Lucy pulled out her ipod and put the ear phones in her ears. Loke watched her close her eyes and move her head to the beat. He wanted her still, but he couldn't keep playing with her feelings. He kept telling himself that he doesn't deserve her, she was to good for him. It's funny cause at first he didn't want nothing to do with her because she's a spirit mage. That first night they had together he thought she would just be like any other girl, but that's not the way it went.**_

_**Lucy sat there with her eyes closed listening to all the songs that remind her of Loke, but she couldn't look at him. She wouldn't put herself out there no more. She had been telling herself that for weeks but everytime she seen him that went right out the window. She could feel his eyes on her but she was ignoring him. It wouldn't do any good to see those bright green eyes looking into hers. Lucy knew she was falling for him, and she knew that was a bad idea. He was like one of those actors you fantasize about, but no you can never have him. I guess in away she got more than most girls in that situation but it wasn't enough. Once they got off the train it was dark. " Well I guess I'll see you around" Lucy said grabbing her stuff. Loke stopped her " After what happened earlier I think I'll walk you home". Lucy sighed in defeat and agreed to let him walk with her. Though they were both quiet their minds weren't. Both of them thought about what happened anytime Loke was near her place. Neither of them wanted to say it but they were nervous. Once Lucy opened her door she walked in and put her stuff on the floor, when she turned around Loke was in the doorway. She could see he was having a difficult time trying to decide what to do. So she walked over and grabbed his hand and pulled him in and closed the door. She went to the kitchen and brought a bottle of sake and two glasses. She sat on the couch and poured the drinks. Loke sat down and took a glass. " To no regrets" and he tapped Lucy's glass with his own before downing it. After a few shots they both relaxed. Lucy turned to face Loke " I want you". Lucy pushed him back on the couch and straddled him. He put his hands on her hips as she bent down and kissed him. Loke moved his hand up her shirt making her moan, he started to massage her right breast as he stuck his tongue in her mouth. Lucy grinded against his member making him moan and she smiled into the kiss. She sat back up and he pulled her shirt off and unsnapped her bra. He started to pinch her nipples making her grind into him harder. " Oh god Luce" and he flipped her over he ran his hand up her thigh. " I want you so bad" he whispered into her ear making her shiver. He started sucking on her neck, he had to leave his mark again. He moved down to her nipples and starting sucking on them. His hand moved further up her thigh until he reached the edge of her panties. He moved them aside and ran his finger between her folds. " Oh god Loke, quit teasing me". He smirked at her, as he entered a finger into her, he started moving it slowly in and out. He watched her as he entered another finger, this time he moved faster as her moans got louder. **_

_**After Lucy reached her climax she sat up and started to unbuckle Loke's pants. She could feel how hard he was and it turned her on. She pulled out his member and took her tongue across the top of it making Loke shake. Now it was her time to smirk before she took him into her mouth. " Oh shit" Loke moaned. Loke grabbed her hair as she moved her head up and down. Before long Loke came in Lucy's mouth, not sure what to do Lucy swallowed. Loke lifted her chin and kissed her hard. Before anything else could happen there was a loud bang on the door and they both jumped up looking for clothes. Loke ran to the bedroom and Lucy went to the door. " Hey, Luce where have you been?" Natsu yelled " Geez Natsu don't be so damn loud,and anyways I left you guys a note".**_

_Needless to say when I finally got rid of Natsu, Loke was gone, and I haven't seen him since. I haven't talked to Natsu since then either. I know he had no idea what was going on but I got to be mad at somebody. I don't know diary it's complicated. Love Lucy_


	4. Chapter 4

_Dear Diary, Everything is just so messed up right now. I knew when Loke left that night things were gonna get weirder, but I guess I hoped that it wouldn't be that bad. Of course he ignored me, and I decided that I wasn't gonna let it bother me. After a few days of not talking or looking at each other I decided I would move on. I guess I got tired of playing the game, so when I bumped into this cute guy at the store I agreed to go to dinner with him. He was really nice, and sweet. I thought maybe things would be better this way. Well until we got our dinner cause at that time I heard an all to familiar voice behind me. I wanted to look, but I was afraid. I was lost in my thoughts until I heard my date talking to Loke. I looked up and Loke had his arm around some girl talking to my date, completely ignoring me. I guess I was angrier than I thought because I got up and threw my water in Loke's face and walked out. I do feel sorry for the poor guy I left behind, but I couldn't take it anymore. Walking down the street I realized how stupid I was, but it was to late I was already a fool. _

_**Loke was not happy when he seen Lucy walk in with some guy. He watched as they sat down, and noticed the guy didn't even pull her chair out. Loke was not interested in whatever her name is that he came here with, but he had to get Lucy off his mind. Fate was cruel. Loke tried not to pay attention to what was going on at Lucy's table, but every few seconds he would check to see if she was okay. The next time he looked up he watched as the guy pushed a loose piece of hair behind her ear, and that's when he stood up. " Loke is something wrong?" whats her name asked. " Oh nothings wrong I just seen one of my friends, do you mind if we go say hi?" he needed to stop whatever was going on. He didn't care what this guy had to say, but was acting like he was listening. Then in slow motion he watched Lucy stand up, pick up her glass, and turn to him. Before he could say anything he was wearing what was in her glass and she was walking away.**  
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_**Lucy was embarrassed that she acted like that, but she couldn't help it. She knew Loke would be mad, but she didn't count on him running after her. Before she got half way home she heard him scream for her to stop, and she did. She didn't bother turning around, if he wanted to yell he could yell at her back. Loke grabbed her arm, and turned her around. " What the hell was that for?" he asked trying to control his temper. " For being you Loke" and she started to walk away. " Oh, no you don't" and he grabbed her again. " Loke, please just leave me alone and go back to your date" Lucy pleaded. She needed some space between them. " Is that what this is about? Me being on a date because you were doing the same thing". Lucy shook her head " I'm not doing this Loke". " Not doing what? Your the one who threw water in my face remember" he screamed. " You deserved it, you should have stayed away Loke, I knew you were there, and I was trying to ignore you, but you had to come over and rub it in my face that you were out with somebody too" she screamed back. " That's not what I was doing". " Whatever Loke, I'm going home" and she walked away.  
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_**Lucy was so exhausted when she got home. All she wanted to do was soak in the tub and go to bed. When she opened her door and turned on the lights she was surprised to see Loke on her couch. " How did you get here so fast?" she was curious. " That's a secret" he responded. Lucy rolled her eyes " Look Loke, I am so tired of fighting, so please leave". " We only had one fight Luce" he said smiling. " That is not what I'm talking about Loke". He was confused " Then what are you talking about?" " Just forget it" she said walking to the bathroom. Loke heard her turn the water on, but before he could get up she came back out. " I'm getting in the tub, stay out" and she grabbed her ipod. He smirked at her but stayed sitting. Lucy turned on some music and got in the tub. The water felt nice and calming, which is what she needed. She was still shaky from her argument with Loke. She stayed in the tub until the water was cold. She put the towel around her hoping Loke would be gone, but she knew better. Loke laid down on the couch and put his hands behind his head listening to the soft music coming from the bathroom until he fell asleep.**_

_**When Lucy opened the bathroom door she could hear Loke's snores, so she walked over to the couch to wake him up. She looked down at his sleeping form and thought about how adorable he looked. She moved closer and knelt next to him. She cautiously removed his glasses and ran her fingers threw his hair. Loke slowly opened his eyes. "Lucy". She leaned closer and kissed his lips softly. She pulled away slowly and started to stand up when Loke grabbed her hand. Their eyes held the same emotions in them. Want, Need, and Fear. Lucy pulled away from him to go get dressed before anything else happened. Loke laid there thinking the same thing. When Lucy returned she found Loke in the kitchen cooking. She leaned up against the counter watching him with a smile on her face. " Who would have thought the player can cook" she said laughing. " There are plenty things you don't know about me Lucy". " Like what?" Loke thought for a few minutes before answering. " Can you keep a secret?" he asked. " Yea, why?" What could be that bad that it needs to be kept a secret she thought. " You might want to sit down then" he told her before placing their plates on the table. Lucy sat down really curious now. Loke looked deep in her eyes " I am a spirit, and I'm dying".**_

_At first I thought he was joking and I started laughing, but then I seen the look in his eyes and I knew it wasn't a joke. He told me the whole sad story and he also explained why avoided me for the longest time, and I don't blame him after what his previous owner was like. Oh, diary this makes the whole thing more complicated. What do I do? He says he's dying but I don't understand why he is being punished for something he couldn't control. I gotta save him. Love Lucy_


	5. Chapter 5

_Dear Diary, If you thought my relationship with Loke couldn't get more complicated you would be wrong. A few days ago he went missing but I knew where I would find him. When I seen him it was almost like you could see threw him, and I was so scared. I screamed at the heavens that I wouldn't let him disappear, but he kept telling me to let him go. But I wouldn't give up, and it paid off. The Spirit King showed up and I argued how it was wrong to punish Loke for what happened because he didn't do anything wrong. He tried stopping me, but I wouldn't listen and I talked the Spirit King into allowing Loke back to the spirit world. Can you believe it little old me? Anyways the Spirit King did give Loke a condition, and that was he had to become my spirit. Loke agreed so now I have Leo the Lion spirit key. But like I said things are more complicated now than ever. _

_**" Thank you Lucy, I owe you my life" Loke said walking to her. Lucy was relieved that he was still here, but she knew he would be leaving to go back to the spirit world, and she wasn't sure how she felt about that. " Well I guess I should go". " Well I guess I will see you around then" Lucy said looking at the ground. Loke lifted her chin and kissed her softly " Call me when ever you need me" and he disappeared leaving a gold key in Lucy's hand. Lucy dropped to her knees. She managed to save Loke only to have him leave anyway. It's not like she wouldn't see him again, but dammit he was a spirit. She was falling for a spirit, how is that even possible? Lucy sat there lost in her thoughts until she realized she was shivering. She got up and started back to the guild to let everyone know she found Loke. She would just tell them he was resting and they could see him tomorrow. She didn't want to think of the reason he wasn't able to come with her.**  
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_**The next morning Lucy woke with a major headache, she ended up crying herself to sleep. She looked at herself in the mirror, her eyes were red and puffy. She looked awful, but she had to get this over with. She washed her face and brushed her teeth, and got dressed. She thought about eating, but as soon as she thought about it she had to run to the bathroom. After she brushed her teeth for the second time she left. Once she got to Fairy Tail she told her friends what happened to Loke. They didn't believe her, like she would joke about that, but then again they didn't know about her and Loke. She pulled out his key and called for the lion. When he appeared everyone was in shock, and gathered around him wanting to hear his story. Lucy left the huddle and sat at the bar. " Lucy, you don't look so good" Mira told her from behind the counter. " Yea, I'm not feeling so good". She laid her head down on the counter waiting for Loke to be done with his story. After a few minutes he walked up to her. She hadn't notice his clothes before but now she couldn't help but stare at him from the counter top. " Lucy you look terrible" he said sitting next to her. " Thanks Loke, you know how to make a girl feel better". "Why don't we get you home" and he helped her up.**_

_**After reaching Lucy's apartment Loke helped her to the couch. "Are you sick?" he asked. " I think so" she mumbled. Loke got up and put a blanket over her, and went to make some tea. When he came back he noticed she was crying. " Why are you crying?" he asked handing her the cup of tea. Lucy just shook her head. " How are we suppose to work together if you can't even talk to me?" " What do you want me to tell you Loke?" He sat down next to her. " I want to know what's bothering you?" He took her hands in his. " Tell me Lucy". She pulled her hands away from him and stood up." Okay fine! I have spent the past how many months fighting the feelings I have for you, not to mention having sex with two and a half times. AND NOT ONCE DID YOU THINK TO SAY, HEY I AM A OUTLAW SPIRIT!" she screamed. " How could you Loke? Why didn't you warn me first!" He didn't know what to say, he knew he should have not taken things so far, but his heart out weighted his mind at those times, not to mention his little guy. " I knew you were a player, but dammit Loke being a spirit is something totally different". " Why?" Lucy looked at him like he sprouted another head."What do you mean why?" " You knew I was a player, so why put yourself out there? You knew it wasn't gonna work!" Lucy slapped him.**_

_**Loke put his hand to his cheek. " Get out!" Lucy screamed. She picked up the tea cup and threw it at the wall. She went to grab something else when Loke grabbed her hands and put them behind her back. "Get off of me, and get out" she screamed again. She was trying to pull away from him, but she was no match for him. " Stop acting like a child" he yelled at her and she stopped moving. She started to speak but he cut her off. " You think your the only one that's been bothered by this?" He let her arms go and disappeared. A few seconds later there was a knock on her door. She wiped her eyes and opened it. " Lucy, are you ok? I heard screaming" Gray asked. Lucy stood there and looked at him for a minute when she dropped to the floor and started sobbing. Gray walked in and closed the door. He sat down next to her and put his arm around her trying to comfort her. Lucy wrapped her arms around his neck and cried into his chest. Gray knew it was Loke that she was arguing with, but didn't ask why. After awhile Gray noticed she had fell asleep, so he picked her up and carried her to the couch. He laid her down and sat in the chair next to her. He didn't want to leave her with the way she was acting. After a hour or so she woke up. "I'm sorry" she said sitting up. " For what?" Gray asked. She smiled "Oh I don't know, maybe for soaking you with my tears, or making you sit here and watch me sleep". " It's okay, your my friend and that's what friends do".**_

_I am lucky to have friends like Gray, but I'm not ready to tell them about me and Loke. I wouldn't even know what to say really. Other than it's complicated, and I guess that is the best way to describe it. I don't know how things are gonna work between me and Loke, but now that we will be working together things are bound to get worse. Say a prayer for me diary cause I'm gonna need it. Love Lucy_


	6. Chapter 6

_Dear Diary, I know it's been a few days, but I have been so exhausted from keeping my mind off Loke. I have took every job I could just to keep my mind off him. I made enough money for rent over the next three months and money for some new clothes. I think I did pretty good, and I didn't even call on Loke for help. So I guess in the spirit world he can see me or sense what's going on, cause it turned out he didn't like that. During the battle of Fairy Tail he came out on his own because I damn sure wasn't calling him, but anyways I guess it's a good thing he came out when he did or I would be dead. And you know we work well together. Once the battle was over Loke jumped on me for not calling him..._

_**Loke was livid " What is the sense of me being your spirit if you can't even call me to help you". " I don't remember requesting you as my spirit so why does it matter?" she asked. " I know you didn't request me, but your stuck with me". Lucy was starting to get a headache. " Look Loke thanks for helping me, and I will try and remember to call you if I need you. So you can go back now"." You'll try to remember to call me if you need me? Are you serious?" Loke grabbed her by the arms. " Do you understand how I would feel if I couldn't save you, I can't go threw that again". " Is that what this has been about Loke?" " What do you mean?" " You have been so worried about paying for Karin's death. Is that what I was to you? What I am now?"Loke let her arms go. Lucy started laughing. " It makes so much sense now, You pulled me out of the water that day, and stayed when I asked you to" "STOP" Loke shouted. Lucy could feel the tears welling up in her eyes, but refused to let them fall in front of him. " Your wrong" was all Loke could manage to say. " No Loke, you just don't want to admit to it".**_

_**" Go back Loke, If I need you I'll call". Lucy wanted to be as far away from him as possible. " This conversation isn't over Lucy". " We have friends out there fighting Loke, and I refuse to stand here arguing with you anymore". Lucy started walking away, but Loke just followed her. " Please Loke, just leave me alone" she begged. Loke felt bad, he felt bad for her thinking he used her, and most of all for hurting her. He knew he messed up the first night they spent the night together. Since then he couldn't get her out of his head. He thought about not telling her the truth, and just fading away without anyone knowing any better. But he didn't want to be forgotten. He was selfish like that, but he wasn't expecting Lucy to save him. He needed to fix things with her, but now was not the time. " I will leave now Lucy, but I will be at your place when you get home" and he was gone. " Then I guess I won't be going home" she said to the air. She knew it wouldn't matter where she was he would be there. After all the battles were over, and the messes cleaned up the parade started. Lucy has a great time, and for once her thoughts wasn't consumed of Loke.**_

_**Lucy had thought about asking her friends to come over, but she knew she need to get this over with. She would not be able to work with Loke if there was gonna be so much tension, and it wasn't even the good kind. Although there was a hint of it underneath the rest. She unlocked the door, and took a deep breath as she opened the door. Loke sat on the couch. Lucy noticed his clothes were different, instead of the suit he had been in earlier he was wearing a pair of baggy jeans and a black wife beater. She didn't know how she was going to get threw this, because his body was very distracting. " Did you enjoy the parade?" he asked. " Yea, it was alot of fun". Loke didn't look at her until she spoke. He was instantly mesmerized by her. Her hair was pulled up off her neck, and she was wearing a short blue dress. They both looked at each other waiting for the other to speak. After a few minutes of standing in silence Lucy spoke first. " What did you want to talk about Loke?" He shook his head and stood up " This isn't going to work". " What's not going to work?" Lucy asked.**_

_**Loke started pacing the floor, away from Lucy. " What is wrong with you Loke?" she asked. " Me being here with you is not going to work. I need to leave". " Wait" and she grabbed his arm. " I can't be here with you Lucy, I don't know how to control myself" he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. " I don't want to hurt you anymore, so I can't stay here". " Damn Loke! I thought you wanted to fix what was wrong between us, and now you want to leave". " Yes, I do want to fix things, and no I don't want to leave, but if I stay" and he stopped. " If you stay what?" " I can't control myself around you, I want you so much everytime I see you, but I will only hurt you". Lucy lifted her hands to hold his head between them, and brought her lips to his. Loke kissed her back as he ran his hands down her back. Lucy pulled back and looked in his eyes. " Tell me you want me Loke". Loke grabbed her hair and pulled her closer before whispering " I want you Lucy" in her ear.**_

_**Lucy jumped on him wrapping her legs around his waist. " Then show me" she told him before bring her lips to his a second time. Loke put his arms around her butt and walked to the bedroom. He put her down, breaking the kiss long enough to grab the hem of her dress and pulling it over her head. He unclasped her bra and flung it behind them. He pushed her down on the bed and pulled of her panties. He admired the way she looked in the moonlight before discarding his clothes and crawling on top of her. He brought his lips to her and licked her bottom lip causing her to open her mouth, and letting his tongue move against hers. He moved his hand to her thigh making her gasp, and he smiled against her lips. He started kissing down her neck, while moving his hand up the inside of her thigh. " Please Loke, don't tease me" Lucy moaned. Loke moved down and took her right nipple in his mouth, as he enter his finger in her moving it in and out. Once he felt Lucy about to climax he added another finger and started moving them faster, sending her over the edge. Now it was Lucy's turn to take control, she pushed him off her and climbed on top of him. Slowly she brought herself down on him making him moan. Once she got comfortable she started moving up and down. It took her a minute to get her rhythm but once she did Loke's moans grew louder. Lucy started to move faster making them both climax shouting each other's name. Lucy fell onto the bed panting. Loke pulled her to him kissing her head, and they laid like that until they fell asleep.**_

_I know diary I said I wouldn't do it again, but sex is the easiest part of a relationship. I don't know what to do really, but I can't help wanting him everytime I see him. Who knows maybe things will work out. But then again it's to complicated. Love Lucy_


	7. Chapter 7

_Dear Diary, Well I just got back from another long mission, and saving the world. Okay so that might be alittle over dramatic, but you never know. Anyways I fought a strong enemy named Angel. Just so happens she was a spirit mage too. So I brought out Loke, and boy was that a big mistake. As soon as I called for him Angel brought out Aries. I don't know what the relationship between them was, but I know he cared enough to save her, and make himself an outcast from the spirit world. I could sense he wasn't comfortable, so I tried to send him back, but he refused. I couldn't stand seeing the pain in his eyes as he fought with her, but even when I begged him to stop he wouldn't. I knew the only way he would stop was to know I wasn't in any danger, so I did the only thing I could think of and went after Angel with my fists. It was the first fist fight I ever had, and I got the better of her until we rolled into the stream and she pushed my head under the water. I guess the fight between Loke and Aries slowed down because the next thing I knew Loke was pulling me out of the water, and Angel was thrown into a tree by his Regulus Impact._

_**Loke watched as Lucy straddled the other girl and started punching her in the face. After a few minutes he watched as they rolled down the hill and into the water. He seen the other girl holding Lucy's head under the water, and he snapped. He started to move towards the two girls when Aries got in his way. " I can't let you interfere Leo"." Move out of the way Aries or she will kill her" he yelled. " Maybe it's better that way". " What?" Aries walked closer to him. " If she dies then we can be together again under the same owner". Loke had heard enough " Have you lost your mind Aries? I will not let Lucy die, she is the one I want". " Leo, do you love her? " she asked. Loke stilled " That's not what I meant". " Reguardless it'll never work, so why not allow her to die, and we can be together again". " We will not be together if this is the way you are now, Get out of my way Aries I don't want to hurt you". Aries stood her ground leaving Loke no choice. " Regulus Punch" he yelled sending Aries into the stream. Noticing she faded back to the spirit world Loke ran towards Lucy. " Regulus Impact " he shouted. Angel flew off Lucy and hit the tree with a thud.**  
_

_**Loke pulled Lucy from the water and laid her on the ground. " Lucy, Lucy" he shouted smacking her cheek. After a few tense seconds she started coughing water from her lungs. Loke rolled her on her side and rubbed her back. Lucy sat up gasping for breath " Where did she go?" she asked. " She is over by that tree" Loke told her. Lucy looked over at Angel and then at Loke. " You know I didn't need your help" she informed him. " Are you crazy? She was trying to drown you, and almost succeeded ". " That's just what I wanted her to think". Loke rolled his eyes at her hard headedness. " What happened to Aries?" Lucy asked. " She went back to the spirit world". Lucy looked at Loke and noticed the sadness in his eyes. " I'm sorry Loke, I shouldn't have brought you out, I know that was hard for you" she whispered. " What would have been hard is losing you Lucy, so I'm glad you called me". Lucy threw her arms around him and hugged him tight. " What's this for?" he asked hugging her back.**_

**_" For being you, and for caring" she said. Loke smirked at her. " I didn't think you liked me". Lucy rolled her eyes " If I didn't like you I certainly wouldn't have done what I've done with you" she blushed. " You look even hotter when you blush" Loke told her as he caressed her cheek. Lucy pushed him away " And right now is not the time to start that". Loke stood up, and pulled her to her feet. " So does that mean later sometime?" he asked making Lucy blush more. " Let's worry about surviving this fight then we'll talk about that". " I'll hold you to that then". " I'm sure you will, now get back to the spirit world to rest up". " Lucy I have a trail on the others" Hibiki interrupted them. The duo completely forgot that he was there, and they knew he heard, and saw everything making Lucy's blush worse. Loke looked at Hibiki " Can I trust you to keep her save?" " Yes, I won't let anything happen to her" he told him. " Okay, if you need me call me" he said looking in her eyes. " I promise". " Good, and remember we have to finish our conversation later". He laughed at the face she was making, and kissed her forehead before fading away back to the spirit world._**

**_Lucy started walking with Hibiki to find the others. " You know he killed his last owner right?" Hibiki asked. Lucy turned around to face him " No, he didn't. That was Karin's own fault". " If you keep messing with him, you'll only end up hurt". " First off it's none of your business, and second you don't know either of us, or our relationship". " I know that, but he's a spirit ". Lucy shook her head " I know better than you what's going on, and I appreciated your concern Hibiki, but leave it alone". Luckily he didn't have a chance to say anything else because they found the others. Lucy didn't like how he kept looking at her after that though. She knew she was being stupid, but you can't help how you feel, and even though it was a huge risk Lucy realized she was willing to take it._**

**_Lucy was crawling towards the lacrima almost drained of any magical power, but she couldn't give up. She had no clue what she could do, but even if she had to use her own body as a weapon she needed to break the freakin thing. As she stood the minutes were ticking by in her head. She had no power to call Loke, and she felt bad because she was going to break her promise, but it couldn't be helped. There was thirty seconds left and she got ready to fling herself at it, but then there was a bright light signaling the appearance of Loke. " Loke! There is ten seconds left can you break it?" she yelled. Loke shook his head yes then shouted " Regulus Blast ". And it was over Lucy fell to the ground. " You were going to break your promise" he said bending down to pick her up. " I didn't want to, but I didn't have the power to call you" she responded putting her arms around his neck and head on his shoulder. Loke shook his head " What am I going to do with you?" he asked making Lucy blush._**

**__**_I know that I've falling in love with him, and maybe it's not going to work. All I know for sure is I can't keep skating around the issue. I need to tell him, I mean what's the worst that can happen. I would rather it be out in the open than to walk around pretending nothings wrong. Anyways it's late and I'm so exhausted and sore. I will write again tomorrow. Love Lucy_


	8. Chapter 8

_Dear Diary, I think I've messed up big time. Loke hasn't talked to me in days, and everytime I call him he sends Virgo instead telling me he's busy, or worse he has a date. I didn't mean to do it, it just kind of happened, and I wasn't expecting Loke to find out. Oh I guess I should tell you what I did. Well after we got back from our job we decided to celebrate Gray's birthday. By we I mean me, Ezra, Natsu, and Gray. Anyways we were drinking, and I had sex with Gray. That's bad enough, but Loke walked in on it. It was bad diary I have never seen Loke so mad. And I haven't seen him since. Wait...He's here..._

_**Lucy seen the bright light coming from her living room, she knew who it was before she even entered the room. Loke stood facing the fireplace. " Loke" she whispered. To afraid to see the look on his face she looked at the floor when he turned to her. " I have spent the last few days trying to think about what to say to you, but the truth is there is nothing to say" he stated calmly. Lucy looked up at him, she had a feeling she wouldn't like where this was going. " Short of a few mistakes we have a business relationship, and nothing more". He made sure he looked her in her eyes saying the last part. Lucy felt a pain in her chest as she listened to him continue " It is not my business who you sleep with, nor is it yours who I sleep with". Lucy felt sick. " I'm sorry Loke, it was a mistake" she pleaded. " Don't be sorry Lucy, we've both made mistakes, but believe me it won't happen again". Loke could see the pain he was causing her, and he wanted to stop, but he was still angry. **  
_

_**Then there was a knock on the door. Loke went to answer it, and he wished he didn't. " Um hey Loke, Is Lucy here?" Gray asked. " Yes, she is" and he moved aside to let him in. Gray looked at Lucy and knew he interrupted. " If I'm interrupting I can come back later" he said. " No it's okay I'm done with her". Lucy grabbed his arm " Loke, wait". " I've said all I need to say" and he pulled away from her. Gray watched them and felt like he needed to do something for his friends. " Loke, I don't know what's going on, but the other night.." Loke cut him off " I don't really need to hear about it Gray, I seen enough". Lucy started to cry. " I'll see you around" and Loke was gone. " I'm sorry Luce, I didn't know he was here". " It's okay, but do you mind leaving? I really want to be alone" she told him. " Yea, if you need anything". " I know I'll call you" she smiled. Gray left feeling bad for her.**_

_**After Gray was gone Lucy turned off the lights and laid down on the couch. She knew she messed up, but she didn't realize how much it could hurt. She cried for hours before finally falling asleep. When she woke in the morning she felt terrible. Her head was pounding, and her throat ached. She got up and made a cup of hot tea for her throat and took some asprin for her head. She sat there for awhile before deciding she needed something to do to keep her mind off of things. She went to the guild to see if she could find a job to do alone. She was in luck there was one and it paid good too. She took the flyer and left to pack her things. Once she was all packed she left for the next town. After meeting her client, she went in search of the thief. It took her awhile to find him because everyone in the town seemed to be afraid of him, so no one would talk. She eventually found him, well actually he found her. " It seems you've been asking around town about me" he said jumping down from the roof of an abandoned building. " That would be true" Lucy responded. He laughed " You got alot of balls girl ". " If you say so, now are you going to come quietly or will you put up a fight?" she asked. " I guess you'll have to wait and see" he said before disappearing before her eyes only to end up behind her. " You have your guard down" he said as he threw a punch. She blocked it with her arm, hearing the break made the pain worse. Jumping out of the way she glance at her arm. It was broken.**_

_**Lucy reached for her keys, only to have the bastard knock them out of her hand. " Oh, no you don't" and he swung at her again. She jumped away putting space between them, but also putting space between her and her spirits. " So your a spirit mage huh?" he asked. " Yea, what of it". He laughed and came at her again. He connected this time to her ribs, breaking a few of them. Lucy started couching up blood. She knew she was in over her head, and she couldn't get to her keys. Maybe it's for the best, she thought. " Don't let your guard down" he said throwing another punch. It grazed her cheek, and she could feel it start to swell. She was getting pissed. " Don't you know it's not right to hit a woman" she yelled at him. Again he was laughing. " Look girl, you came after me, so I am allowed to defend myself". " But you won't give me a chance to defend myself" she whined. " I'm sorry, here I'll give you a free hit" he said sticking out his chin. " Are you serious?" Lucy asked with big eyes. " Yep go ahead" he said tapping his chin. So Lucy pulled her arm back and hit him as hard as she could, but it only made him laugh. " Really? Can't you at least pretended it hurt alittle?" she whined. " Oh, I'm Ouch" and Lucy started laughing.**_

_**" Oh, it hurts to laugh" she said grabbing her side. " Can we call a truce?" she asked. He looked at her funny " Don't you want to take me in for a payment?" he asked. " Not really, I only took this job to get me mind of my troubled". She sat down holding her arm against her side. " My name's Lucy" she told him as she stuck her hand out. " Sora " he said taking her hand. " Sorry about hurting you" . Lucy smiled at him " It's okay, at least you didn't kill me" and they laughed. " Do you want me to help you to a doctor?" Sora asked. " No thank you, Once you leave I'll call one of my spirits to help me". Sora walked over and grabbed her keys and handed them to her. " You are one hell of a woman Lucy, any guy would be proud to have you". Lucy laughed " That's funny cause the one I want doesn't want me". " Then he's an idiot". " Thanks Sora". " Well if you ever get lonely come and see me" he said walking away. Lucy sat there and smiled. After a few minutes she started coughing, when she stopped she noticed the blood on her clothes. She thought about which spirit to call and help her and she decided on Loke. **_

_**When he came out he looked around finally noticing her sitting against a tree covered in blood. " Lucy!" and he ran to her. Lucy looked up at him, she was tired and the pain was getting worse. " Loke can you help me back to the guild hospital?" " What the hell happened?" he yelled. " It doesn't matter, Can you take me or not?" " Of course I can, but I still want to know what happened". Loke helped her up, he noticed her broken arm, puffy face, and when she started coughing he seen the blood fly from her mouth. Without thinking he opened his gate and took her to the spirit world. He took her to his bed and called for Virgo to help. She sent him out of the room while she took care of Lucy. Loke sat in front of his door for hours waiting for Virgo finish. There was a couple times he heard Lucy scream and tried to get in the room only to find it locked. Finally Virgo came out. " She will be fine, but she needs rest" and she walked away. Loke walked in and noticed the right side of her face was bruised, right arm in a sling, and he guessed her ribs were taped under the sheets. He knelt at her side and grabbed her left hand in his. He wanted to know how this happened and why she didn't call for him. Loke fell asleep at her side, and only woke when he heard her whisper his name. " Loke " He lifted his head and looked into her eyes. " How are you feeling?" he asked softly**_

_**Lucy spent a few days in the spirit world healing. Loke went to the human world to let their friends know what happened, so they wouldn't worry. Once she was feeling up to it she told Loke what had happened. " Why didn't you call me?" " I told you, he knocked my keys out of my hand, and I couldn't get to them". They sat there silently for a few minutes before there was a knock on the door. " I need to check your wounds" Virgo said coming in with her medical bag. After getting the all clear from Virgo Lucy asked Loke to take her home. " I don't know, maybe you should stay another day" he told her. " Virgo said it was okay, and I would really like to go take a bath". Hesitantly he agreed and opened his gate.**_

_****So I have been home for a few days, and Loke is almost always here. I don't understand why unless he feels guilty for me getting hurt, but there really wasn't anything her could do. I kind of like him being here, although we still haven't discussed our relationship. I don't know if we should either, it just starts a fight. Maybe we should just leave the past in the past, and keep our hormones in check. Well maybe anyways. Why does this have to be so complicated? Love Lucy_


	9. Chapter 9

_Dear Diary, Well my ribs are completely healed, and the bruises on my face have faded away. I still got a cast on my arm, but Virgo says she'll take it off in a couple of weeks. I am so grateful to her for taking care of me. Gray has also been helping me with housework, and keeping me company. Since I'm in a cast I can't go on jobs with the team, but I have been taking small easy ones. I call Loke before I leave just to make him happy. Things were going good between us until we came back from a job, and walked in my apartment to find Gray sitting on my couch topless. The tension was so thick in the room that I couldn't breath. _

_**" What are you doing here Gray?" Lucy asked. She could feel the anger rolling of Loke, and it was making her shake. " I was waiting to see if you need any help". " With you shirt off? What was you thinking of helping her with?" Loke asked. " It's not like that" Gray blushed. " Oh really? Well your blushing so I would say that you were expecting to help her into bed". " Excuse me?" Gray stood up. " You heard me, you've had her once, and now you want her again" Loke said walking forward. " What's it to you if we've had sex Loke, Jealous". " I got no reason to be jealous seeing as I had her before you did" Loke retorted. " Yea, right Lucy would never touch a player like you" Gray snorted. " Your wrong Lucy, and I have been together more than once". Gray looked at Lucy waiting for her to say something, but she just shook her head. Gray's eyes got big, and Loke wore a smirk. " See Gray, I got no reason to be jealous". " Then I guess you won't mind leaving, so Lucy can give me the same treatment" Gray asked. Lucy looked at Gray, but he was looking at Loke with a smirk. She was so going to beat the crap out of him, but before she could move she seen Loke out of the corner of her eye move towards Gray. Before she knew it they were throwing punches, and slamming each other against the wall.**_

_**Before she knew what she was doing she tried to get in between them. She didn't know which one maybe it was both of them, but somehow she was pushed away falling into the glass table. Hearing the glass shatter the boys stopped. Lucy was on the floor bleeding. " Lucy" they both shouted, and bend down to try and help. " Don't touch me" she screamed at them. " Loke call Virgo, and then you and Gray can leave". " Lucy we.." " I don't care, now please do what I asked". After a few tense moments Virgo appeared with her bag. She looked over the scene then at the two troublemakers. " I will take care of her, you both should go". Gray grabbed his shirt, and took one last look at Lucy before leaving. " Lucy" Loke whispered before opening his gate. Then he was gone. " What happened?" Virgo asked. " They were fighting, and I tried to stop them " she said wiping her eyes. Virgo cleaned her arm and leg where she was cut, and cleaned up the mess. " It's a good thing you didn't fall on the other arm" Virgo told her. She handed her something for the pain and left. Lucy laid on the couch, and closed her eyes. After taking a long nap she woke up in pain. She sat up and tried to stand, but someone carefully pushed her back down, and handed her some pills. " Virgo said you would need these" Loke said.**_

_**Lucy wasn't sure if she should be angry or grateful, but at the moment her pain outweighed her anger. " Thank you" she mumbled. After taking the pills she laid back on the couch. " Is there anything I can do?" Loke asked. Lucy laughed " Yea, quit being an ass". Loke sat down next to her. " I guess I deserve that". " Did Virgo say if I can shower?" she asked. " I will go ask her" he said leaving quickly. After a few minutes he came back, this time with Virgo's bag. Lucy looked at Loke, and then the bag. " What's that for?" she asked. " To change your bandages after your shower". Loke helped Lucy up, and walked her to the bathroom. He turned the water on for her and left the room shutting the door. Lucy stood there for a minute trying to think of how to get undressed. Normally Virgo helps her with this, and since Virgo isn't here she has two options. The first doing it herself, and the second asking Loke for help. Her right arm was completely hopeless, and her left arm hurt to much. Finally deciding she opened the door " Loke can you help me?" Loke walked to the door " What is it?" he asked. " Um, I can't undress myself, will you help?" **  
_

_**Loke walked in the bathroom and turned to Lucy. " Normally Virgo helps me" she said shyly. The both stood there looking at the floor before Loke moved in front of her, and started unbuttoning her shirt. Lucy was trying hard not to pay attention to how shaky his hands were. Once he finished unbuttoning the shirt he slowly pulled it off her shoulders and down her arms, trying hard not to pull the bandages. Loke unsnapped her bra and pulled it off slowly. Lucy stood there looking at the ceiling, not wanting to watch Loke undress her. Loke then knelt in front of her, and unbuttoned her pants pulling them down and helping her lift her legs out of them. He did the same thing with her panties. Once undressed he helped her in the shower. As she stood there letting the water wash over her, Loke got in behind her. She turned around to ask what he was doing, but she couldn't get the words out. Loke stood there fully clothed with a wash cloth in his hand. " Um, Loke your suit is getting wet". He smiled at her " It's okay I got plenty more". After washing her hair Loke started to wash her body, making Lucy shiver. She looked down at him, and seen the strained look on his face. " Are you okay?" she asked. " I'm trying to use self control" he smiled at her.**_

_**After she was cleaned he lifted her out of the shower, and stood her on a towel to dry her off. " You should get out of those wet clothes " Lucy told him as he put her shirt over her head. " As soon as I get you all settled". After she was dressed they went to the couch to change her bandages. "Don't you dare sit down with those wet clothes " she screeched. " Oh, sorry I'll sit on the floor" he told her. " No, go change now before you get a cold". " But, Lucy". " No buts, I will be fine until you get back". With that he left only to come back two minutes later. Lucy had to shake the images from her mind when she seen the way he was dressed. Baggie pants, and a wife beater was a total turn on to her. Loke sat next to her, and put her arm in his lap. As she watched him carefully remove her bandages, she stilled. She looked at Loke, and noticed a mark on his neck. The perfume told her who he had been with, and she was trying to keep herself in check. But she couldn't do it she pulled her arm away from him, and jumped up sending blood flying. " I'm sorry did I hurt it?" he asked. " Get out!" she whispered. " What?" he asked surprised. " I said GET OUT!" she screamed. " Lucy calm down, your bleeding everywhere" he tried grabbing her arm. " GET OUT GET OUT!" she screamed again. She started to punch him "GET OUT". Loke looked at her, her blood all over him not understanding what happened. " I don't know what is wrong, but I'll leave". " Use your head Loke, you'll figure it out " she said holding her arm. He was confused, but left anyways.**_

_****After he left Virgo showed up, and patched me up again. She tried to get me to tell her what was wrong, but I couldn't. I don't want her in the middle. I don't know why I got so mad. It's not like we are together, but it hurt just the same. Anyways I'm tired from blood loss, so I'm going to bed. Love Lucy_


	10. Chapter 10

_Dear Diary, So I had stayed away from Loke for a full week. I've also not worked for that long, and it's not because of that because I trust my other spirits, but I have been in so much pain. I have stayed home the whole time to recover. Gray has stopped by a couple times bringing me groceries. I guess he feels guilty for my current state and he should. I still can't believe he fight with Loke over me. I have informed him that we are just friends, and nothing more. He agreed and admitted that the argument was more about beating Loke than me. That made me feel great, but whatever I am tired of arguing and fighting. Which is exactly why I think Loke showed up._

_**Lucy walked out of the bathroom drying her hair to find Loke leaning against her counter. " I didn't call for you Loke, so leave" she said as she walked past him. " You haven't called me for a week". Lucy peaked her head out of her bedroom door " Why would I call you when I don't need you?" And she closed the door. She leaned up against her door taking a deep breath. She really didn't want to deal with him, but she knew he wouldn't leave until he was done with her. She went to her closet to find something to wear when her door opened. " Get out Loke". " I want to talk to you" he said. " Haven't you done enough to me?" she asked. " Lucy I just want to talk". " Fine, can you wait until I get dressed?" Loke shook his head yes and left the room. Once dressed Lucy opened her door to see Loke, and Gray staring each other down. " Don't even start that shit" she said looking at them both. " Loke what are you doing here? Haven't you hurt her enough?" " Why are you talking about? That was you that did that ". " Both of you shut up, we are all at fault" Lucy told them. She started to rub her temples, she felt a headache coming on.**  
_

_**" What are you doing here Gray?" she asked. " I came to see if you needed anything from the store". Loke laughed " Sure that's why you came here". Gray moved towards Loke, but Lucy put a hand on his chest to stop him. " Thank you for asking, but no I don't". Gray moved his eyes to hers " Are you sure?" he asked. " Yes, I will be fine". Gray looked at Loke and then Lucy before bringing his lips to hers. Lucy felt Loke move behind her, so she broke the kiss with Gray and put a hand to Loke's chest. " You should go now Gray" she said trying to keep Loke away from him. " Okay Luce, I'll come by later to check on you" he said smirking at Loke. " Why did you let him kiss you?" " Why does it matter to you?" she asked. " You know he's just using you". Lucy rolled her eyes. " Not really using me, just trying to make you mad". " So why are you still here?" she asked. " I told you I wanted to talk to you". Lucy sat down, and patted the seat next to her. " So what do you need to talk about?" she asked once he sat down. " I wanted to find out why you haven't called any of your spirits". " I haven't called because all I've been doing is sitting here". **_

_**"By yourself?" he asked. " No Gray stops in when he can to check on me". " So are you and Gray together then?" he asked. " No, we are just friends". " You shouldn't let your friends kiss you, cause it makes you look" he stopped at the look on Lucy's face. " Makes me look like what?" she asked trying to remain calm. Loke knew he was in trouble, so he just kept his mouth shut. " Come on Loke, what do I look like?" she asked again. But he still wasn't talking. " Let me guess it makes me look easy, like a slut?" He still wouldn't say anything, and Lucy was losing her patience. " Let me tell you something Loke" voice full of venom. " I have had sex with two people in my life, both of them until recently I thought cared about me". " I do care about you" Loke pleaded. " No if you cared you wouldn't come here to help me with a big ass hickey on your neck smelling like perfume" she yelled. Loke flinched " It was a mistake". " Who was it Loke?" she asked already knowing the answer. " It was Aries" he whispered.**_

_**Lucy put her head in her hands, and tried to hold back the tears. " I'm sorry Lucy, I was just so angry, and drunk". " You had sex with Aries, the one that wanted me to die at her owners hands, so you two could be together". " Yes". " Just leave Loke, I can't keep doing this anymore". " Do you want to end your contract with me?" he asked. " Why would I do that?" she asked. " It would be better that way". Lucy could feel the tears slide down her cheeks " You don't want me?" " Think about it and call me when you decide" and he was gone. Lucy sat there sobbing for a few minutes before getting up, and getting the sake bottle. She didn't bother with the glass, she just drank from the bottle. As it got dark she didn't even get up to turn the lights on. She just sat in the dark trying to drink away her troubles. After finishing the bottle she got up to go to bed when there was a knock on the door. She opened it and seen Gray standing there. She pulled him inside slamming the door and pushing Gray against it. She knew it was wrong but right now she just wanted to forget Loke for the night.**_

_**Gray could smell the alcohol on her breath before she put her lips on his. He kissed her back pulling her to him. He nibbled on her bottom lip until she opened her mouth allowing his tongue to battle her own for dominance. Lucy broke the kiss long enough to pull his shirt over his head. Gray lifted her and wrapped her legs around his waist carrying her to the bed. He sat her down and started taking his pants, and boxers off while Lucy started pulling her own clothes off. Lucy laid back, as Gray crawled on top of her. He started to massage her breasts, and kissing her neck. He spread her legs with his knee, and got ready to enter her. " Are you sure you want this?" he asked. She answered by reaching down and grabbing his member guiding it inside her. They both moaned as he entered her. Gray bent down and kissed her neck as he thrust inside her making her bite his shoulder. Gray's thrusts were hard, and fast sending them over the edge in no time. Coming down off their high Gray had to ask " Why?" " I was hurting, and you were there" she responded. Gray got up and got dressed " I'll always be here" he kissed her on her head and left.**_

_****I might not have Loke, but at least Gray will always be my friend. If things were different maybe we could be together. I don't know what's going to happen next, but I plan on telling Loke everything. No more walking on eggshells. Love Lucy_


	11. Chapter 11

_Dear Diary, Well I woke up with a hangover, and more regrets. I need to make sure I stay away from Gray when I'm drinking. I don't even want to face him, or Loke. I am so confused I mean okay me, and Loke were complicated to begin with, but dammit why did I need to involve Gray? I really hate myself right now. Oh diary I am such a terrible person. I should become a nun! Hold on there's someone at the door..._

_**Lucy didn't feel like company, but answered the door anyway. " Gray" she really shouldn't have opened the door. " Hey Luce, How you feeling?" he asked walking in. " I got a bit of a hangover, what are you doing here?" " I just wanted to check on you". Lucy sat down and pulled her knees to her chest, and took a deep breath. " Gray about last night ". He held up his hands " I know it was no big deal". " God, I'm such a slut ". Gray laughed and pushed her " No, your not you just have moments of weakness when I'm around" he joked. She laughed " Well I guess that's kind of true, but only if sake is involved ". After a few minutes of teasing each other Gray got to the serious stuff. " So, you going to tell me what's going on between you, and Loke?" " Not much to tell really". " Yea, if that was the case the two of you wouldn't be fighting all the time, plus you had sex with him". Lucy put her hands over her head. " I know, but I can't help being attracted to him". " With or without sake?" Gray asked. Lucy peeked at him " Both". Gray laughed again. " So why are you fighting so much then?" " I don't know honestly, he confuses me".**  
_

_**" Well from what I can see you have feelings for him, and he has feelings for you". Lucy shook her head " I do have feelings for him, but I doubt he has them for me". " What makes you say that?" he asked " Well he slept with Aries". " Yea, and you slept with me twice". " Yea, I screwed up" she said covering her head again. " Thanks " Gray mumbled. " You know what I mean" she said smacking his arm. " Look you need to talk to him, and see what happens". Lucy sat there lost in thought for a moment before there was a bright light signaling Loke's arrival. " Really?" Lucy asked the air. " Well it's time for me to go, I'll see you around Luce, oh and Loke go easy on her". "Thanks Gray" she said as she closed the door. " What's he talking about?" Loke asked. " No idea" Lucy said hiding her head, but she could feel his gaze on her. " Why are you here Loke?" " I was wondering if you gave any thought to what I asked last night?" " Getting right to it huh?" Lucy looked at him, and she really wished she didn't. " Yes, I have thought about it, and I decided I'm not interested in ending our contract" she said putting her head on her knees.**_

_**" Are you sure?" he asked " Yea, I'm sure". Loke sat down " So what's wrong?" She was hoping he would have just left. " Hangover". " Does that mean you slept with Gray again?" he asked. " Wow, right to the point huh". " Well did you?" " Yes". She felt Loke tense beside her, and she looked up. " See that's what I mean". " What?" he asked. " You got all tense when I said yes, God Loke you confuse me" she said getting up. She went in the kitchen for more sake. " What are you doing?" he asked. " What does it look like" waving the bottle. " What do you want from me Lucy?" " I just want you to be honest with me" she said walking back to the couch. " I don't know what you mean". She just shook her head and took a drink. " I'm in love with you Loke" she finally said it. " You shouldn't" was all he said. " Of course I shouldn't, but it doesn't change the fact that I am". She took another drink trying to numb the pain she was feeling. Loke took the bottle from her. " Give it back" she yelled trying to take it back. " You've had enough" he said. " Oh, are you my dad now?" she asked reaching for the bottle. Loke got up and poured it out. "What are you doing?" she screamed.**_

_**He grabbed her arms, and pushed her against the wall " I will not let you keep doing this". " You don't care, your just worried about making amends" she yelled. " I do care, why do you think I keep coming around". He loosened his grip on her, and she pushed him away. " I don't want to hear you care, I want you to say you love me". She started walking away, but he grabbed her arm. " I do love you" and he grabbed her hair and pulled her close. Lightly touching her lips with his. " But you deserve better" and he let her go. " I don't care what I deserve, I want you" she pleaded. " For now you do, but what happens when you want to get married, or to have a family?" Lucy knew where this was going, and she couldn't come up with anything to prove him wrong. "I wish things were different Lucy". And he was gone.**_

_****I know what he's saying, but right now I don't care I just want to be with him. Anyways I really need a shower, and some sleep. Love Lucy_


	12. Chapter 12 Final

_Dear Diary, So my life has not gotten any better. Loke, and I are doing our best to avoid each other, and Gray has been distant. Ezra, and Natsu are completely clueless, and that is how I want it. I couldn't handle it if they looked at me like Gray does. Almost like I'm broken, and let's face it I kind of am. Even though we were trying to avoid each other I couldn't avoid paying my rent, so I had to find a job. I did find an easy one that would make my rent with alittle left over. Well one that I thought would be easy. I wasn't going to call Loke, but after I used all my spirits I didn't have a choice. Part of me afterwards wished I would have used him to begin with. By time I called him I was exhausted. I was covered in bruises, dirt, and sweat, and could barely stand. Of course it took him no time to defeat the enemy.._

_**Lucy fell to her knees panting, trying hard not to pay attention to the angry lion in front of her. She was doing well until he squatted in front of her. "Why did you wait so long to call me?" he asked looking her over. " I didn't want to call you at all, but I didn't have any choice". " Is it that bad to work with me?" he asked. " No, it's just too hard to see you". There was a rumble of thunder then the sky opened up on them. " Come on we got to find someplace to wait this out" Loke said picking her up and running for a near by cave. Once out of the storm he put Lucy down helping her sit against the wall. " You should go back" she told him. He scoffed " I'm not leaving you here alone in your condition". They sat in an uncomfortable silence for some time before Lucy couldn't take anymore. " Can't you say something?" " What do you want me to say?" he asked. " I don't care, I just can't take the silence anymore". " Silence isn't a bad thing". " It is with all this tension thick in the air". " What kind of tension we talking about?" he asked with a smirk. Lucy rolled her eyes and brought her knees to her chest. "Forget I said anything" she mumbled.**  
_

_**Loke was trying to lighten the mood, but it was going to take some work. He scooted closer to her, and she tried to scoot away, but was stopped when he threw his arm around her, and pulled her close. " Since we're both soaked we might want to warm each other with our body heat" making Lucy laugh. "If that's the case we should probably take our clothes off". She stiffened realizing she said that out loud. " I don't have an issue with that" Loke said pulling his jacket off. When he reached for his shirt Lucy stopped him. " What are you doing?" she asked. " Well your right, we should be naked to take full advantage of our body heat". He reached again for his shirt but before he could take it off Lucy was straddling him. She took his glasses off and sat them to the side. She looked into his eyes as she pulled his shirt over his head. Loke tugged on her shirt, and pulled it over her head. Grabbing the back of her head, and pulling her closer he put his lips to hers. He bite her bottom lip asking for entrance, while running his hands up, and down her sides making her shiver. He slid his hands around to unclasp her bra, pulling it off her shoulders. He massaged her breasts making her grind into him, causing both of them to moan. Feeling the need to breath he broke the kiss, and started kissing on her neck.**_

_**He kissed down her neck, and chest. He took a nipple in his mouth sucking on it while squeezing the other one with his hand. Lucy moved her hand to his waist unbuttoning his pants, and pulling his member out. As she stoked him, he moved a hand between her legs. Pulling her panties to the side he entered a finger, making her moan. Adding another he started to pump them in and out making Lucy orgasm. Lucy bent down, and took his rod in her mouth. Loke wrapped his hand in her hair moving her up, and down on him until he too came. Lucy swallowed the hot liquid, as Loke brought her lips to his for another deep kiss. He flipped them over so he was above Lucy. He pulled her panties off and thrust his rod inside her. " Oh, god Loke" she moaned as he pumped into her harder and harder. He kissed her and pinched her nipple, sending her over the edge. When he felt her walls clamp down around him his hot liquid filled her. They laid there for a short while before Loke sat up, and put his hands in his head. " Do you regret it?" Lucy asked. He turned and looked at her, seeing tears in her eyes he touched her cheek. " Of, course not". She leaned into his hand " Then what is it?" she asked. He pulled her into his arms " I just don't want to hurt you anymore than I have". **_

_**" Then don't". she said cupping his cheek. " I love you Loke, I have loved you since our first night together". " But you wouldn't have any kind of life with me" he argued. " But I wouldn't have a life without you". " Lucy, do you realize if we have that kind of relationship, you won't have a normal life". She laughed " My life ain't normal now Loke". He smiled at her. He wanted her forever, but not at the cost of her missing out on anything normal. " Are you sure?" he asked. " I've never been more sure about anything". " I love you Lucy, and I want to be with you forever" he said. She threw her arms around him, and hugged him tight. " That means no more having sex with Gray" he said. " Of course not, and no more having sex with Aries" she told him. " Nope there is only one woman for me, and that's you".**_

_****So diary I guess everything worked out in the end. Me and Loke are now a couple, and I couldn't be happier. Plus Loke, and Gray made up which made going public alot easier. Nobody was surprised though, they said it was only a matter of time. I guess people pay more attention that I thought. Anyways Loke's waiting so I'm going to go now. Love Lucy_


End file.
